Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"Celebrity Apprentice" Contestants' Job Qualifications

The claws are out and the third installment of "The Celebrity Apprentice" is being filmed in New York. It doesn't start airing for a month, but we are so looking forward to seeing Bret Michaels go head-to-head with Rod Blagojevich.

Still we can't help but wonder exactly what it is that qualifies these stars to work for Donald Trump. What skill set is The Donald looking for in participants in the high stakes, back-stabbing pressure cooker that is his world? If the applicants filed resumes with the Trump Organization, the career objective on all of them would be the same.

OBJECTIVE: Obtain a position on "Celebrity Apprentice" alongside 11 other washed-up C-listers in order to jump-start my flailing career, bicker as much as possible, and prove I'm not famous from sheer luck... oh, and win some money for the charity that is near and dear to my heart.

And while the potential contestants all have the same goal, the "Related Skills" section of their resumes  would vary greatly. We took a peak at what each one brings to Mr. Trump's conference table.

Sharon Osbourne
Key Skill: Proficient in verbal communication
Career Highlights: Music manager for Ozzy Osbourne, reality TV star, judge on "The X Factor" and "America's Got Talent"
Related Experience: Married to Ozzy Osbourne
Sharon clearly has the skills to work for Trump. She made Ozzy a star, she's turned her own reality TV career into gold, and she must have excellent communications skills as is proven by her fluency in whatever language it is that Ozzy speaks.

Rod Blagojevich
Key Skill: Familiar with legal terminology and litigation documents
Career Highlights: Former U.S. Senator
Related Experience: Alleged conspiracy to commit mail fraud and solicitation of bribery
It remains to be seen if Rod's familiarity with legal jargon and his history of trying to talk his way out of problems will help him disprove allegations that he attempted to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. But we think his skill set will come in handy on "Celebrity Apprentice." He was once voted "America's Least Popular Governor." We'll see if he wins a similar title from the Donald.

Holly Robinson Peete
Key Skill: Works cooperatively with a wide range of personalities
Career Highlights: Actress on "21 Jump Street," "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper," "For Your Love," and "Love, Inc."
Related Experience: Daughter of "Sesame Street's" Gordon (Matt Robinson), married to NFL quarterback Rodney Peete
To survive on "Celebrity Apprentice" you need to know how to handle your teammates. Holly has worked with every type of character known to man, from brooding actor Johnny Depp to the multitalented Raven-Symoné to the moody Oscar the Grouch. That experience ought to come in handy with the wide range of personalities assembled for "CA."

Bret Michaels
Key Skill: Possesses strong interpersonal talents
Career Highlights: Lead vocalist of Poison, reality TV star on "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels"
Related Experience: Judge on "Nashville Star," sold 25 million albums, diabetic since age 6
If we learned one thing about Bret Michaels during his three seasons on "Rock of Love" (aside from the fact that he's diabetic), it's that he has honed his interpersonal skills through the years. His reality show was VH1's highest rated series due in large part to Bret's gift for interacting with strippers and groupies on a purely professional level.

Darryl Strawberry
Key Skill: Works well under pressure as part of a team
Career Highlights: Pro baseball player, four-time World Series champ
Related Experience: Tax evader, former addict, cancer survivor
As a former pro baseball star, The Straw was a team player, an asset for any Trump protégé. He took both the New York Mets and the Yankees to World Series wins, sometimes while fighting enormous obstacles, such as cancer, prostitutes, the IRS, and rehab. He overcame adversity and today spends his time fighting for those affected by autism with his Darryl Strawberry Foundation. We're guessing that will be his charity of choice.

Cyndi Lauper
Key Skill: Gets along well with employers and coworkers
Career Highlights: Singer-songwriter, actress in "The Opportunist" and "Queer as Folk"
Related Experience: First artist in history to have five Top 10 singles from a debut album, including "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
In our hearts, and in the hearts of just about anyone else from our generation, Cyndi Lauper will always be the girl who just wants to have fun. What "Celebrity Apprentice" contestant wouldn't want her on their team? Hopefully, the free-spirited Cyndi can get down to business while she's having a good time.

Bill Goldberg
Key Skill: Ability to work in a fast-paced, intense environment
Career Highlights: Professional wrestler and actor
Related Experience: NFL football player, mixed martial arts color commentator
Goldberg, a two-time World Heavyweight WWE Champion, started his career as a pro football player (for the Atlanta Falcons), then switched to wrestling, and then went on to the movies. His appearances in "The Longest Yard," "Santa's Slay," and "Half Past Dead" have not propelled him to the level of Hollywood fame that his former rival The Rock has achieved, but all of his past endeavors have prepared him well for the fast-paced, cutthroat environment in Trump's Board Room.

Maria Kanellis
Key Skill: Resourceful in solving problems and maximizing assets
Career Highlights: WWE Diva, model
Related Experience: Beauty pageant queen, Playboy cover girl
Former beauty pageant queen Maria Kanellis got her start on TV as a contestant on a short-lived reality dating show called "Outback Jack." She came in third, but her career, based on her good looks, was off and running. That same year she landed a job with the WWE, first as a ditzy backstage interviewer, then as a Diva wrestler in the ring. In addition to this display of resourcefulness in maximizing her assets, she also posed for the cover of Playboy last year, making her this season's token Playmate. The Donald always has to have one of those onboard.

Curtis Stone
Key Skill: Refined planning and organizational skills that balance responsibilities in a timely and professional manner
Career Highlights: Celebrity Chef on "Take Home Chef" and "Surfing the Menu"
Related Experience: Creator of Curtis Stone Kitchen Solutions cookware and cookbooks
Australian-born, London-trained celebrity chef Curtis Stone is a very busy man. He's had cooking shows in Australia, the U.K., and the U.S., including TLC's "Take Home Chef." Lately he's been traveling the country, making appearances on "Oprah," "The Today Show," "Martha Stewart," "The Biggest Loser," "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," and more. With such a busy schedule, he needs outstanding organizational and planning skills. He should be able to handle being a "CA" project manager with one hand tied behind his back.

Carol Leifer
Key Skill: Inspires co-workers to do great work
Career Highlights: Comedienne, writer, producer, and actor on "Seinfeld" and "The Larry Sanders Show"
Related Experience: Discovered by David Letterman, she's the author of "When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win"
Carol Leifer may not be a household name, but everyone knows her work. She wrote some of the funniest episodes of "Seinfeld" and is often called "the real Elaine," as she's credited with being the model for the character played by Julia Louis Dreyfus. If she can inspire a guy like Larry David, she must be pretty special, and her sense of humor should prove useful to her teammates. But she has big shoes to fill. Last season's female comic, Joan Rivers, went on to take the grand prize.

Summer Sanders
Key Skill: Collaborates well with co-workers and performs well independently
Career Highlights: Competitive swimmer, Olympic gold medalist
Related Experience: Sports broadcaster, actress
Winning gold at the 1992 Barcelona Olympic games in both the individual 200-meter butterfly and the 400-meter medley relay gave Summer Sanders a quality prized by many bosses: the ability to collaborate when needed but also the aptitude to work independently. Last year, her "Skating with Celebrities" co-host, Scott Hamilton, didn't last too long with the Trump Organization, so hopefully her talents will give the Olympic athletes a better showing in this season's board room.

Key Skill: Honestly, we don't know
Career Highlights: Stand-up comedian, actor on "A Different World" and "The Sinbad Show"
Related Experience: Got his start on "Star Search," owes $2.5 million to the state of California

Everyone else we could figure out. They all seem to have applicable skills. Then along comes Sinbad. Donald has already featured Tom Green and Andrew Dice Clay. Clearly, he needed an obnoxious male comic to round out the roster... but Sinbad? He's been flying under the radar for a pretty long time. Still, he has accomplished one thing in the last year. He was #3 on California's list of most active delinquent tax payers, owing the state more than $2.5 million. Let that be a warning to his teammates not to put him in charge of budgets.

Written by Amy & Nancy Harrington

No comments:

Post a Comment